And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
a search helicopter?!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
