I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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