and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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