he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
