Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
