spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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