Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The best revenge is premature balding
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
