So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
