Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
