have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
