her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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