I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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