Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
