I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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