Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
