i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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