During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
