No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
