My hand turned me down
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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