Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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