If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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