so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
only you would photoshop your dick
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
