dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
