the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
