she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
