people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
