I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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