Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
