I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
