Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
