What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
