i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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