Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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