made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
This baby is an asshole
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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