No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
