I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
