Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
