Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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