So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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