I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
