Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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