I should be sponsored by Trojan
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
