Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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