isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
pop tarts are not kleenex
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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