Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
