My first STD was from a foam party
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
