i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
