Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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