he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You should frame my arrest warrant.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
