I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
