we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
