Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't deserve a penis
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
