I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
