Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
