Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
