i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
