So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
